Routines, rituals...and my phone
This post is, again, inspired by another recent book purchase. "Rituals", put together by Memory Loader and Toni Christie, is a beautiful book which captures the daily rituals in place at one of the many wonderful New Zealand Early Childhood Centres. In this book the difference between "routines" and "rituals" are discussed, compared and unpacked.
Both routines and rituals are very much alike however, the striking difference is that when participating in a "ritual", there is a mindfulness, beauty, purpose and presence. This, in comparison to a "routine" where we are more on auto-pilot, less reflective and simply doing things because they need to be done. The book moves through the different times in the day where rituals can easily become a part of how we live and take the place of the mindless routines we may currently be functioning through.
The message that resonated with my heart was that through simple shifts in the way we think about the seemingly mundane things we must "get done" or "tick off the check list" we can really make everyday living a very beautiful and present experience for not only our children but also ourselves.
The most evident moments in my home life that "rituals" would take the place of "routines", are the times around preparing food, eating food and settling into periods of rest. However on the days in which I work, the hardest part of the day for me, in my home, is between six and eight in the evening and incorporates all of these things!
This time in our home consists of; television, a very grumpy, hungry and tired eighteen month old, a peckish four year old who wants to snack while he waits and a tired and hungry Mummy who is trying to cook dinner. Once dinner is 'out of the way' it's time for dishes, showers and washing. In and amongst the rush, the boys will have a few arguments and we'll all have a couple of laughs. Once Otis is ready for bed, Jarome is left in the lounge in the company of the television to play independently while Otis is being settled to sleep. Once Otis is asleep, Jarome and I share about thirty minutes where it is just us, before I take him to bed as well. The ideas of "slowing down", "having intention" and "being present" seem crazy when cast upon the reality of this time in our home.
My wonderful husband is at work in the evenings so this time is very much a juggling act.
In my role as a Kindergarten Teacher, rituals replace routines with relative ease and our children love to participate in the beauty of them. However, I find it is a massive challenge to do the same in our home and television is my saving grace during our post work evening rush.
Why is it such a challenge to establish and maintain beautiful, daily rituals in the home? Well amongst all of the things I am trying to achieve between six and eight, I am also accompanied by my phone. I truely think it comes down to my phone.
What do I use my phone for? Like many others, I connect with family and friends via telephone calls and messaging. I check in on Facebook where I read articles and watch videos. I also check the Facebook community page where items are listed for sale. I check in on Instagram. I check my bank account. I check in on Pinterest for ideas for my Kindy room and also for ideas around the home. Often I have no clear intention for using my phone, I simply use it.
For the following week I will explore what changes, specifically, during the hours of six and eight when I don't use the television to entertain or distract my children, or use my phone to satisfy the social media and consumer addiction so many of us have in common.
I wish myself good luck.
Day one (Tuesday...A work day)
Inspired by a wonderful and fitting Kimberly Crisp pondering, my mantra for today is; "am I worthy of imitation". As a parent we are role models, is my phone centred behaviour worthy of my children?
Today, while at home, my phone lived on the bench in the kitchen. It became 'the home phone' as opposed to a time warp machine. The television also stayed off. I thought this was going to be insanely difficult but it surprisingly wasn't. We even found time to read books this morning, before work. I did try to vacuum just before leaving the house. Otis felt like it would be fun to play with the on/off button. Inner Sarah felt super frustrated before realising how silly it was to attempt a rush vacuum while we were five minutes from heading out the door.
The evening was another win with only one cry. Jarome sat on the bench while I cooked dinner, with a few rice crackers and chatted away happily. Otis stood on a chair and 'washed dishes'. We all ate more dinner than we normally do-total win-and Jarome enjoyed forty minutes of television while I put Otis to bed. We read three stories before heading to bed. Washing and dishes both got done with the help of chatting mouths and busy fingers. There were no distractions and no silly behaviour trying to grab for attention.
I enjoyed some phone time once the boys were all sorted and in bed. It was a disappointing realisation that I very much looked forward to using my phone.
Day two (Wednesday...a work day...and my birthday)
This morning was another win. The television stayed off and I only used my phone to talk to my Dad. It is so easy to get things done without the distraction of my phone. We are talking more, I am more present and more productive. It is a little shocking at how much 'life space' a phone can occupy.
My husband dropped me to work and picked me up so I used my phone a little during this time to chat to loved ones who were touching base to wish me a Happy Birthday. I also used my phone for social media during my lunch break.
In the evening I turned music on using Spotify and took some photos of our festivities for four. We had a beautiful evening and once the boys were asleep at around eight, I hopped on my phone again. The boys are so much more settled and less 'needy' when my full attention is available to them.
Day five and six (the weekend)
This week has actually been a challenge in regards to using my phone less. It is amazing how easy it is to suddenly find yourself scrolling through Facebook or liking posts on Instagram before you realise what you are doing! Especially when your initial intention was to just check the time!
Another realisation from this week is just how silly it is that I accidentally opt out of my real life, to absorb and consume the lives of others. Even more silly, is that on Instagram, I follow people that I don't even know personally. I follow them, essentially, because of how attractive their lives are.
With a conscious effort to minimise screen time in our home, my boys are happier, more settled and more engaged in focussed imaginative and creative play. Our home has been a much more mindful, conversation filled and fulfilling space.
Over all, it is amazing how often I subconsciously thought about my phone and also how deep the habit to reach for my phone is. It is also very shocking how quickly a phone can take over. After my week of less screens and restricted phone use I am happy to attempt to maintain this.
"Life is only available in the present moment. If you abandon the present moment you cannot live the moments of your daily life deeply." Thich Nhat Hanh
I choose to abandon my phone more frequently than I abandon the beautiful presence of my family.
Both routines and rituals are very much alike however, the striking difference is that when participating in a "ritual", there is a mindfulness, beauty, purpose and presence. This, in comparison to a "routine" where we are more on auto-pilot, less reflective and simply doing things because they need to be done. The book moves through the different times in the day where rituals can easily become a part of how we live and take the place of the mindless routines we may currently be functioning through.
The message that resonated with my heart was that through simple shifts in the way we think about the seemingly mundane things we must "get done" or "tick off the check list" we can really make everyday living a very beautiful and present experience for not only our children but also ourselves.
The most evident moments in my home life that "rituals" would take the place of "routines", are the times around preparing food, eating food and settling into periods of rest. However on the days in which I work, the hardest part of the day for me, in my home, is between six and eight in the evening and incorporates all of these things!
This time in our home consists of; television, a very grumpy, hungry and tired eighteen month old, a peckish four year old who wants to snack while he waits and a tired and hungry Mummy who is trying to cook dinner. Once dinner is 'out of the way' it's time for dishes, showers and washing. In and amongst the rush, the boys will have a few arguments and we'll all have a couple of laughs. Once Otis is ready for bed, Jarome is left in the lounge in the company of the television to play independently while Otis is being settled to sleep. Once Otis is asleep, Jarome and I share about thirty minutes where it is just us, before I take him to bed as well. The ideas of "slowing down", "having intention" and "being present" seem crazy when cast upon the reality of this time in our home.
My wonderful husband is at work in the evenings so this time is very much a juggling act.
In my role as a Kindergarten Teacher, rituals replace routines with relative ease and our children love to participate in the beauty of them. However, I find it is a massive challenge to do the same in our home and television is my saving grace during our post work evening rush.
Why is it such a challenge to establish and maintain beautiful, daily rituals in the home? Well amongst all of the things I am trying to achieve between six and eight, I am also accompanied by my phone. I truely think it comes down to my phone.
What do I use my phone for? Like many others, I connect with family and friends via telephone calls and messaging. I check in on Facebook where I read articles and watch videos. I also check the Facebook community page where items are listed for sale. I check in on Instagram. I check my bank account. I check in on Pinterest for ideas for my Kindy room and also for ideas around the home. Often I have no clear intention for using my phone, I simply use it.
For the following week I will explore what changes, specifically, during the hours of six and eight when I don't use the television to entertain or distract my children, or use my phone to satisfy the social media and consumer addiction so many of us have in common.
I wish myself good luck.
Day one (Tuesday...A work day)
Inspired by a wonderful and fitting Kimberly Crisp pondering, my mantra for today is; "am I worthy of imitation". As a parent we are role models, is my phone centred behaviour worthy of my children?
Today, while at home, my phone lived on the bench in the kitchen. It became 'the home phone' as opposed to a time warp machine. The television also stayed off. I thought this was going to be insanely difficult but it surprisingly wasn't. We even found time to read books this morning, before work. I did try to vacuum just before leaving the house. Otis felt like it would be fun to play with the on/off button. Inner Sarah felt super frustrated before realising how silly it was to attempt a rush vacuum while we were five minutes from heading out the door.
The evening was another win with only one cry. Jarome sat on the bench while I cooked dinner, with a few rice crackers and chatted away happily. Otis stood on a chair and 'washed dishes'. We all ate more dinner than we normally do-total win-and Jarome enjoyed forty minutes of television while I put Otis to bed. We read three stories before heading to bed. Washing and dishes both got done with the help of chatting mouths and busy fingers. There were no distractions and no silly behaviour trying to grab for attention.
I enjoyed some phone time once the boys were all sorted and in bed. It was a disappointing realisation that I very much looked forward to using my phone.
Day two (Wednesday...a work day...and my birthday)
This morning was another win. The television stayed off and I only used my phone to talk to my Dad. It is so easy to get things done without the distraction of my phone. We are talking more, I am more present and more productive. It is a little shocking at how much 'life space' a phone can occupy.
My husband dropped me to work and picked me up so I used my phone a little during this time to chat to loved ones who were touching base to wish me a Happy Birthday. I also used my phone for social media during my lunch break.
In the evening I turned music on using Spotify and took some photos of our festivities for four. We had a beautiful evening and once the boys were asleep at around eight, I hopped on my phone again. The boys are so much more settled and less 'needy' when my full attention is available to them.
Day five and six (the weekend)
This week has actually been a challenge in regards to using my phone less. It is amazing how easy it is to suddenly find yourself scrolling through Facebook or liking posts on Instagram before you realise what you are doing! Especially when your initial intention was to just check the time!
Another realisation from this week is just how silly it is that I accidentally opt out of my real life, to absorb and consume the lives of others. Even more silly, is that on Instagram, I follow people that I don't even know personally. I follow them, essentially, because of how attractive their lives are.
With a conscious effort to minimise screen time in our home, my boys are happier, more settled and more engaged in focussed imaginative and creative play. Our home has been a much more mindful, conversation filled and fulfilling space.
Over all, it is amazing how often I subconsciously thought about my phone and also how deep the habit to reach for my phone is. It is also very shocking how quickly a phone can take over. After my week of less screens and restricted phone use I am happy to attempt to maintain this.
"Life is only available in the present moment. If you abandon the present moment you cannot live the moments of your daily life deeply." Thich Nhat Hanh
I choose to abandon my phone more frequently than I abandon the beautiful presence of my family.
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