It's not necessary
Entering into the life phase of motherhood is a beautifully challenging and life changing shift. You move from only having your own wishes and desires to concern yourself with, to no longer being the central soul in your own story. The role of 'mother' is sacred, it is a journey and it is unique to every person experiencing it. Motherhood can also be a time of great vulnerability, self doubt and due to many changes to body, relationships, finances and life in general, it can be a time where self acceptance and appreciation is really tested.
There is mounting research looking into the impact of devices on the brain development of our young children. There is mounting research looking into the impact of social media on our impressionable teenagers. I wonder, if soon there will be research, examining the impact in which the prevalence and over consumption of devices and the presence of social media has on the mental well being and general health of women whom of which are mothers.
I am a working mother of two children at the age of twenty-nine, with a fully developed brain. I can also, personally verify that the addictive nature of such devices extends beyond the impressionable minds of young children. I pick up my phone as my "go-to" relax companion when my children are busy. It is a tool for communication and connection as well. I use it as a phone, I use it to text, I use it to email, I use it to read articles of interest and watch videos of interest, I use it for Google, I use it for Netflix, I use it for social media, for online shopping, to manage my bank account and to pay bills. Using my phone, for what ever reason, is a daily occurrence and more often than not, it is an intrusion on what ever is taking place in the present. Information and connection are at my fingertips and the idea of not using my phone is one that makes me feel very uncomfortable.
I was recently confronted by my own Iphone usage when my husband declared that I was definitely a "phone girl". This comment was confronting because not only was he being honest, it was also very true. I however, had yet to acknowledge my own obsession.
Why do I rely on my phone so much? How is it so easy to slip back into over using my phone? It has nothing to do with how useful it is as a handheld computer. For me, it has everything to do with social media. Pinterest, Instagram and Facebook, to be specific.
Don't get me wrong, social media is brilliant. It allows connection with my family members. I find inspiration to make ethical changes in my own life from groups using social media as a platform for their messages. I find inspiration for creative projects. I can find inspiration for work. I can research consumables to check the ethics of their brands and find new ethical resources to support. Social media can be brilliant.
However, the following is why social media is not so brilliant for me.
I can fall into the mindset of fixating on things I want to buy through what I visually consume via the social media platforms that I use. Things I don't even need but things that just look beautiful. I definitely need a new lounge suit because I saw a beautiful one on Pinterest and mine has a few stains which I hate looking at. I need to buy more pottery because I can't get enough of the earthy tones and I have seen so many images on my Instagram feed, that I love looking at, and want my own cupboards to look exactly the same. I want more baskets, I want more plants, I want cane furniture, I want a day bed, I want more terracotta pots, I want candles, I want, I want, I want.
I also find that I can fall into the trap of putting the lives of others on a pedestal. This is silly because I do know that social media is an edited snap shot of a life. I also love my own life a great deal. However, seeing the highlight reel of the lives of others still impacts on my general wellbeing. See, I don't just follow friends and loved ones. I also follow brands I like and mothers who post stunning photos. I guess my feed looks like a 24/7 catalogue of amazing looking families doing amazing looking things. The effects of this are so subtle that I don't even feel them creeping through my content state, until suddenly I realise I am no longer as content as I was when I picked up my phone. Seeing women travelling to far away places with their children, whilst looking beautiful and well put together, and all the while owning a house without a mortgage that is full of rattan, cane and natural wood really does have an effect on my mindset. I wish I had straight hair like the women I follow on Instagram, not frizzy hair that jumps off my head in the heat of the Australian summer. I wish I had a toned tummy that holds it's shape when I carry my son like that '#fitspo' beauty I follow on Instagram. Never mind the clothes of my children, I wish I never had stains or sticky patches on my own clothes! I wish, I wish, I wish.
In addition to the impacts on my mindset, I have to acknowledge that social media is one giant distraction. One cannot be present with real life humans if one is on their phone. This is another not-so-brilliant point about my over use of my Iphone. If I am on my phone, I am not present in the company of my family and friends. I do appreciate that I deserve some 'time-out' however there are so many more wonderful things I could be doing in my day instead of trying to look at what other people are doing on my social media feed. I could play with my children, I could read (what great role modelling), I could draw, write, craft, bake, play, go for a walk, actually relax, heck I could even WATCH a movie WITH my children or simply just talk to the people in my company. I would never let my children use a device in the same manner in which I do. My reliance is terrible role modelling and is also terrible self care.
I kept a tally of how many times I looked at my phone on Sunday. I kept the tally to prove to my husband that I wasn't as bad as he said I was. All I ended up achieving was realising further how spot on he was. I won't say how many times I touched my phone but I can confirm it was embarrassing and confronting. Phones and social media are brilliant, but they are not life.
I also know that I am not alone.
Changes are definitely essential. My family deserve it and I demand it. Less phone, more balance.
There is mounting research looking into the impact of devices on the brain development of our young children. There is mounting research looking into the impact of social media on our impressionable teenagers. I wonder, if soon there will be research, examining the impact in which the prevalence and over consumption of devices and the presence of social media has on the mental well being and general health of women whom of which are mothers.
I am a working mother of two children at the age of twenty-nine, with a fully developed brain. I can also, personally verify that the addictive nature of such devices extends beyond the impressionable minds of young children. I pick up my phone as my "go-to" relax companion when my children are busy. It is a tool for communication and connection as well. I use it as a phone, I use it to text, I use it to email, I use it to read articles of interest and watch videos of interest, I use it for Google, I use it for Netflix, I use it for social media, for online shopping, to manage my bank account and to pay bills. Using my phone, for what ever reason, is a daily occurrence and more often than not, it is an intrusion on what ever is taking place in the present. Information and connection are at my fingertips and the idea of not using my phone is one that makes me feel very uncomfortable.
I was recently confronted by my own Iphone usage when my husband declared that I was definitely a "phone girl". This comment was confronting because not only was he being honest, it was also very true. I however, had yet to acknowledge my own obsession.
Why do I rely on my phone so much? How is it so easy to slip back into over using my phone? It has nothing to do with how useful it is as a handheld computer. For me, it has everything to do with social media. Pinterest, Instagram and Facebook, to be specific.
Don't get me wrong, social media is brilliant. It allows connection with my family members. I find inspiration to make ethical changes in my own life from groups using social media as a platform for their messages. I find inspiration for creative projects. I can find inspiration for work. I can research consumables to check the ethics of their brands and find new ethical resources to support. Social media can be brilliant.
However, the following is why social media is not so brilliant for me.
I can fall into the mindset of fixating on things I want to buy through what I visually consume via the social media platforms that I use. Things I don't even need but things that just look beautiful. I definitely need a new lounge suit because I saw a beautiful one on Pinterest and mine has a few stains which I hate looking at. I need to buy more pottery because I can't get enough of the earthy tones and I have seen so many images on my Instagram feed, that I love looking at, and want my own cupboards to look exactly the same. I want more baskets, I want more plants, I want cane furniture, I want a day bed, I want more terracotta pots, I want candles, I want, I want, I want.
I also find that I can fall into the trap of putting the lives of others on a pedestal. This is silly because I do know that social media is an edited snap shot of a life. I also love my own life a great deal. However, seeing the highlight reel of the lives of others still impacts on my general wellbeing. See, I don't just follow friends and loved ones. I also follow brands I like and mothers who post stunning photos. I guess my feed looks like a 24/7 catalogue of amazing looking families doing amazing looking things. The effects of this are so subtle that I don't even feel them creeping through my content state, until suddenly I realise I am no longer as content as I was when I picked up my phone. Seeing women travelling to far away places with their children, whilst looking beautiful and well put together, and all the while owning a house without a mortgage that is full of rattan, cane and natural wood really does have an effect on my mindset. I wish I had straight hair like the women I follow on Instagram, not frizzy hair that jumps off my head in the heat of the Australian summer. I wish I had a toned tummy that holds it's shape when I carry my son like that '#fitspo' beauty I follow on Instagram. Never mind the clothes of my children, I wish I never had stains or sticky patches on my own clothes! I wish, I wish, I wish.
In addition to the impacts on my mindset, I have to acknowledge that social media is one giant distraction. One cannot be present with real life humans if one is on their phone. This is another not-so-brilliant point about my over use of my Iphone. If I am on my phone, I am not present in the company of my family and friends. I do appreciate that I deserve some 'time-out' however there are so many more wonderful things I could be doing in my day instead of trying to look at what other people are doing on my social media feed. I could play with my children, I could read (what great role modelling), I could draw, write, craft, bake, play, go for a walk, actually relax, heck I could even WATCH a movie WITH my children or simply just talk to the people in my company. I would never let my children use a device in the same manner in which I do. My reliance is terrible role modelling and is also terrible self care.
I kept a tally of how many times I looked at my phone on Sunday. I kept the tally to prove to my husband that I wasn't as bad as he said I was. All I ended up achieving was realising further how spot on he was. I won't say how many times I touched my phone but I can confirm it was embarrassing and confronting. Phones and social media are brilliant, but they are not life.
I also know that I am not alone.
Changes are definitely essential. My family deserve it and I demand it. Less phone, more balance.
"Attention is the rarest and purist form of generosity"-Weil
"Most humans are never fully in the present now, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one. But then you miss your whole life, which is never not now. And that's a revelation for some people: to realise that your life is only ever now." -Eckhart Tolle
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