What we normalise for our children, shapes the adults they are to become.

My beautiful mum passed away just over a year ago. Jarome was three and Otis was about ten weeks old. Loosing my mum has been the most challenging and heart breaking journey. It has also caused many changes in the way I think and has shifted my reality to a place that will never be the same as what it was before she passed.

Aside from how acutely I miss my beautiful mum and how enormous it is to know that your beginning has passed. My awareness of how precious life is, is now heightened. At times I feel quite anxious about the mortality of life and feel desperate for my time as a mother of young children, to stretch out for an eternity.

I don't wish to stay young. I wish to hold onto my boys. I wish to cherish every moment. I do acknowledge that sometimes, raising little people and also doing life, can be stressful however, I really feel that it is hugely important to be conscious of the choices you make as a mother and to be aware of the impacts that these choices have on your children in their childhood. Regardless of how many children you may have, you only get to raise each little person once. Being a mother is a privilege. We are obligated to at least, consciously choose to be the best mothers we know how to be, for the sake of our children and for the adults they will grow up to become.

Jarome is four and Otis recently turned one. They are my purpose in life. I am a mother. I am many more things but I am most proud of being a mother. As a mother, I am so proud and grateful for the childhood my Mum (and very brilliant Dad) worked hard to create for me and my siblings.

My "normal" was wholesome and blessed. We lived next door to our Nana and Poppa who we saw daily. Our Gran and Poppa lived a thirty minute drive from us on a ten acre life style block. We climbed pear trees, collected mandarines and sat up in plum trees eating the fruits before the birds could. Our Aunties, Uncles and cousins also have had a massive part in our childhood. We ate sustainably and wholesomely (most of the time). After dinners, as a family, we would walk the dog or go for a bike ride. Mum often walked us to the library. I made tents in the back yard, placed flowers in circles to call the fairies, counted crysalis on swan plants and licked cake batter off spoons. I spent a lot of time outside and I felt very safe, very loved and was very healthy. As a child, I was surrounded by loving and enabling adults, who consciously made decisions to ensure I, and my siblings, had the most wholesome and least entitled upbringing possible. My best memories come from a place of secure and loving relationships with family members, a few close friends and being outside, playing. Mum and Dad made conscious choices to normalise these such experiences.

Since mum passed, I have really begun to consider what happens in my home on a daily basis. What do I normalise for my children and are these the things that I really want my children to view as normal?

What do I feed my children? Do I sit at the table with my children? Do my children help me prepare the food we eat?

How do I talk to my children? Do I listen to my children? Am I reactive or respectful? Do I set realistic, fair and consistent boundaries? Do I set my children up for success?

What do I buy for my children? Am I teaching them to consume only what they need? Am I setting the foundation for my children to grow into environmentally and ethically conscious adults?

What values do I share with my children? What do my actions role model for them?

Do I laugh with my children?

Do I play with my children?

What do we do together? Do we read together often? Do we go for walks and jump in puddles? Do I smile more often than I look stressed?

Am I present and if not, why? When I need some down time, how do I communicate this?

In addition to questions like these, I also think about the kind of adults I hope my children to be. I want my children to be kind and compassionate. To support each other and be there for their family and closest friends. To work hard and be aware of the impact of their choices. I also hope that they will be resilient enough to cope with the harsh realities of life. I want my children to be adults with purpose and to also be people who are happy with the blessings that they do have in their lives.

These are the questions and thoughts I consider when calling my choices as a parent, into a conscious space. From this conscious space, I see what "normal" I am creating and I can see where I need to change direction. Taking time to check yourself and being prepared to make changes if you do not like the reality of your honest responses to such thoughts and questions is empowering.

Does the "normal" I am creating by the choices I make in the daily life of my family, align with the vision I have for the kind of adults I hope to raise my children to become?

What I find extremely liberating, is that if, upon reflection, you feel like your "normal" isn't what you want it to be. You can slowly create a new "normal" simply by conscious choices to do things consistently differently.

No one is perfect. Life is not perfect. It is however, a privilege and as a mother, I have the ability to gift my children with the best "normal" possible in order to raise wholesome and well adjusted adults.

What "normal" do you hope to create for your children? What adults do you hope your children to become?

Brothers

Rescuing snails from ants and family picnics 

Off for a walk to the park

                    

Sharing food with furry 'cousins' and being silly in big brother's Spider Man mask